Snarky Sister

30 by 30....ish

2012-01-18T11:30:00.000-07:00

Wow! I have 10 days to complete my things to do before I'm thirty list. Looks like I'm going to be very busy until the 28th. Of the sixteen items on my list I've completed approximately eight of them. I guess 50% completion isn't totally awful, but I started the list over a year and a half ago. And my definition of complete may be a bit loose. For example, I did make croissants, but they didn't turn out, so should I really have crossed it off my list? Probably not. According to this list, I still need to make donuts, fried chicken, get published, grill a pizza, go hiking (extremely unlikely since with the wind chill temperatures are reaching the -40s), make ice cream sandwiches, make kotopitakia and soutzoukakia. If I did by some miracle complete this, I would likely also gain ten pounds before my 30th birthday as well which is definitely not on the list. Also any tips on how to get published in 10 days?

I'll keep you posted on how far I get. The countdown is on!

End of the Semester!

2011-12-23T11:26:00.000-07:00

The semester is finally over! I had taken two classes which is a situation where when you’re going through, is awful and horrible, but when it’s done is sweet relief, which can apply to many situations I guess. That’s what she said. Okay, enough. One of them was a statistics class, which quite frankly, I can’t believe I paid $1500.00 for a class to give me ulcers, but whatever. It’s done, and I got an A- in it somehow.

My other class was an awkward mess. My instructor wanted us to have a Skype meeting with him, which is actually my worst nightmare (in all my undergrad years I attended the office hours of my professors maybe 2 times), so having one on one time with an instructor via Skype was not very appealing to me. Adding to the awkwardness was the fact that my instructor is Greek and living in Greece and when I first called him on Skype, I instinctively started speaking Greek, and he assumed that I was totally fluent. Something I failed to correct.

Don’t get me wrong, I can speak and understand Greek, but if you’re explaining learning theories to me and how they relate to distance education, I need you to be speaking English. Alas, it was too late, so I had to pretend I understood everything he was saying in this academic language that I would have a hard time understanding even in English. Needless to say, I sent a follow up email (in English) seeking some clarification.

Then we had group work – I’ve discussed this before, but only hit reply all in an email, if you are in fact sharing information that is important to all you are replying to. Saying “thanks” or “sounds good” doesn’t warrant an email even to one person (I feel that should be implied. No one wants their inbox flooded with niceties.), let alone a group of five people.

But, who cares about all of that because it is OVER! So happy to be done. Until January 9 when everything starts again, but until then, I plan to sleep my brains out and have a marathon Fringe session (I never got into it, but I do love me some Joshua Jackson. Pacey and Joey 4EVA - a shout out to all the Dawson's Creek fans out there)and perhaps dust off that old sewing machine.

Merry Christmas everyone! Enjoy the holidays!

Happy December!

2011-12-01T17:02:00.000-07:00

Sheesh! Finally, November is over. What a long month that was. I was so busy at work, combined with never ending school work - papers, assignments and group work that was eating up so much of my time. It is over. But, unfortunately, November definitely went out with a bang for me.

Since the summer, I have been a semi regular (3-4 times a week) juicer. Not steroids or something crazy like that, but vegetables! Anything green to be exact. I have developed quite a craving for it and actually really like it (it did take some time to warm up to). Anyway. I had a long day again yesterday, and was feeling really run down so I decided to get my veggies ready and toss them in the juicer for a shot of energy - it was 9:30 and I was going to work on some more school work.

For those of you not familiar with juicers, they kind of look like a food processor (sort of). They have a chute you push your fruit/vegetables/whatever through with a cylindrical press and then pass through a blade circling at 100 km per hour and some crazy centrifugal force stuff happening all at once. It is also very loud and terrifying to small children. Once the veggies pass through, all juicy goodness pours out of the spout and all the pulpy/skin stuff gets tossed aside. My press is MIA because I threw it in the dishwasher and it warped, no longer fitting through the chute. Crafty girl that I am, I have been using the cucumber portion of my juice mix to act as a press and pushing through all my other vegetables, and letting go once I got too close to the blades of death. Needless to say, last night, I didn't realize just how close I was to blades, and once the cucumber got pushed through, my middle finger was next.

So, after realizing that the juice was now ruined since half my finger nail was floating somewhere in it, and cursing the fact that I splurged on the organic cucumbers because they are wider and fit the chute better, I yelped in pain. Rushing to the sink to run my finger under cold water, convinced that I had done irreparable damage and would never be able to type again. Thankfully, my husband was home who is trained in First Aid - both standard and wilderness (for all the time we spend camping and hiking. Which is never) so he wrapped it up properly, applied pressure and we went to the hospital just to be sure that it wasn't more serious.

Unfortunately, the first twenty something year old doctor that saw me did nothing to ease my fears of irreparable damage as literally the first thing he said when I removed the bandage was "oh shit" and then fainted. Okay, he didn't faint. But he did say oh shit. After seeing the look of horror on my face wondering where he got his Mickey Mouse degree from, he backtracked by saying that yes, he's a resident, but in obstetrics and gynecology and "doesn't see stuff like my finger in his line of work." To which all I could think was THANK GOD. I hope you don't see juicing accidents in obstetrics. That would be horrifying.

ANYWAY. He called his boss, a crotchety old man who kind of became my husband's hero when he took one look at it and said "You're fine. There's nothing we can do for you. Someone will come and clean it up and wrap it for you. You don't need a tetanus shot. It's not like you were shoveling manure." And literally turned around and left. LOVE! That is what I'm talking about. Let's cut the chit chat and get straight to the diagnosis people.

I was going to share a picture here, but it is really gross - my niece ran away from me when I removed the bandage and kept staring at her fingers as if it was contagious. So, hopefully my finger grows back (the nurse that wrapped it said it would), and I'll be manicure ready for the new year. Beyond that, I'm asking Santa for a new juicer for Christmas and saying good riddance to November!

Happy December everyone!

Friday Five: Things I Did This Week

2011-11-11T09:30:00.000-07:00

1. Finally finished my paper for class. Just in time to have another one due for my second class. If anyone knows anything about quantitative research including but not limited to: SPSS, significance values, what a histogram is, and why I should care about what the mean, median and mode are of data when I'm doing a course based graduate degree instead of a thesis, please feel free to contact me.

2. Baked. And it was glorious. I made chocolate chip cookies and muffins and although I wanted to eat every last one of them, instead I only kept a few out and put the rest in the freezer for a rainy day. It's supposed to snow this weekend, so I think I'll be pulling them out asap.

3. Bought tickets to the Russian ballet. So excited - they are in town next week performing Romeo and Juliet, and although I'm not a huge ballet fan - I love all things Russian (and by all things I mostly mean their ice cold gymnasts, pretty churches, fur hats, and dolls) and I can pretty much recite word for word the Leonardo Dicaprio/Claire Danes version of Romeo and Juliet (don't judge me - I was in grade 10 when it came out), so based on those two points that actually have nothing at all to do with ballet, I think this is a good fit for me.

4. Speaking of Claire Danes, I finally started watching Homeland on demand. OMG. It is so good, and if you aren't watching it, start. The characters are interesting and flawed (which always appeals to me), the writing is good, and the story sucks you in. The only problem is, I do find it hard to believe that Claire Danes is a CIA agent, when she'll really always be Angela Chase to me.

5. I went to convocation. My husband finished his graduate degree in Educational Leadership (Woot! Woot!) and so we went to see him cross the stage. Wow, are those ceremonies every long! Also, what's with all the middle names? I'm certain that they could shave off at least 20 minutes of the ceremony if stuck to first and last names only. The good news, is that he is finished after all of his hard work, the GREAT news, is that I live with someone who knows how to write a paper in APA format. Congratulations husband!

And the Nominees Are...

2011-11-02T20:49:00.000-06:00

How happy am I? I was nominated for a 2011 Canadian Weblog award for Best Written and Humour categories. How exciting is that? I'm quite certain that I won't win, or even make the shortlist, but what they say is true...it's an honor just to be nominated. Really, it is! Be sure to check out all the other great blogs that are nominated that have a far greater chance at success than I do!

Friday Five: Favorite Time Wasters

2011-10-28T14:02:00.002-06:00

I love the internet - I've made that known before, but here are five of my favorite sites. When my house needs to be cleaned, I have papers to write, or could be doing a whole slew of other productive tasks, I am lured into these sites:

1. Hello Giggles
This is a cute site that has funny articles and although a bit hipster-y, it is still fun. Also, my favorite new actress - Zooey Deschanel is one of the creators of it.

2. Television Without Pity
Probably my all time favorite site as it combines snark and television. It's like it was created just for me.

3. Pinterest and Etsy
I'm not a member of Pinterest - I don't want to get sucked in too deep, but I like going to it for ideas for parties, crafts, etc. Etsy is equally as good for one of a kind items and craft ideas too.

4. STFU Parents
If you've ever dealt with a Facebook friend who overshares everything on their status updates or can't stop talking about their kids every two minutes, this is the site for you. The level of oversharing is on a whole differet level.

5. Go Fug Yourself
The Fug Girls are super funny and their take on celebrity fashion is hilarious. I have laughed out loud numerous times when reading that site.

Go check them out if you haven't already. You can thank me later!

Snarky Sunday: Can I Take Your Order Please?

2011-10-23T02:47:00.001-06:00

How frustrating is it when you are in line at a restaurant (i.e. McDonalds, Starbucks, Tim Horton’s) and the person in front of you is taking twenty years to figure out their order? Honestly, I could strangle them. It irritates me so much. It’s like, what else are you going to order at McDonald’s but a freaking Big Mac? And really, if you’re at a Starbucks, chances are it isn’t your first time, so today isn’t going to be the day that you try something new – just get your regular drink and move to the side.

A “gourmet” donut shop opened in our city and I wanted to see what the fuss was about, so one day when we were going to our cousins’ house for brunch, my husband and I went there to pick up some donuts for everyone. First of all, the place was a joke. I was so irritated just by walking in there – it was all modern and pink and lame, and took itself way to seriously about how awesome and cool it was. Shut up, donut shop. You sell overpriced donuts in a craft box to hipsters – you aren’t as cool as you think you are.

There were two women in front of us (they were together), and two people behind the counter. They had probably 8 different flavours of donuts on sale. They were talking to the cashier/donut wrangler and asking what the best donut was, and what would they recommend, and which is the most popular. And then the employee went into detail about every single donut and the ingredients, and how everything was natural, and home made and blah, blah, blah. I wanted to tap them on the shoulder and tell them that my husband was about two minutes away from turning into the Incredible Hulk and was going to flip the counter over if they didn’t hurry the fuck up and pick something. Of course, after all of the fuss, they ended up getting two of each flavour. Seriously? There are people behind you waiting – make up your damn mind! I get if there isn’t a line – sure, take your time, but when people are waiting – chop, chop people, let’s get moving!

Dry Spell

2011-10-19T18:53:00.000-06:00

After my hot streak blogging three times in one week, I had a bit of a dry spell over here. Mainly due to poor planning and real life getting in the way. As I’ve mentioned before, I’m working on my masters, and this semester I got really cocky for some reason and registered for two classes. Plus work full time. Plus the CW Monday night line up – I can’t lie, I love the Hart of Dixie. It’s easy to see how writing two papers due on the same day sort of got away from me. Needless to say, I completed them, spending way more time than I care to admit trying to properly format them to APA requirements. Seriously, why do they change the rules so often? So unbelievably frustrating when you think that you’re done, and then have to go back and spend so much time trying to decipher if it’s one or two spaces after a period, and trying to figure out how to properly format your page headers.

I received feedback from the one paper already and I think I kind of love my instructor and his snark. Here is some of his feedback (emphasis mine):

A very good submission. Well reasoned and supported by solid examples. Other than some irritating semantic and syntactical errors, your paper is reflective of a good grasp of the underlying concepts and the hypothetical application of the associated methodologies/approaches. A good read.

I’ve actually never had someone put in writing that I irritated them, so kudos to him and his boldness. Quite frankly, it endeared me to him, and obviously, it didn’t irritate him too much – I ended another dry spell with this paper. I finally got my first A on a paper since Sociology 201. Yes, you heard that correctly. The only A I ever received in my academic career was for a Sociology 201 class during my first year of university. I remember it like it was yesterday: the year was 1999, Justin and Britney were still dating, I was seventeen years old and it was still the nineties! It’s not that I crashed and burned after that, but I hovered in the B- to B+ range, with a few Cs and A-’s for good measure. I never did reach that elusive A again. Until now. It took me long enough but the academic dry spell is finally over. Now if I could only figure out APA.

Snarky Sunday: Social Media

2011-10-02T06:15:00.007-06:00

I love the internet. I think it's awesome. I love that I can "meet" people on the internet, try and build an online invitation business and keep in touch with long lost friends through Facebook.

However.

How annoying is it when you are on Facebook and your friends have updated their fifteenth status update of the day, and it is riddled with spelling errors? I'm not talking about a typo here and there, I'm talking about words spelled totally incorrectly, and no * in the comments to indicate they realize their mistake. Drives me bananas. Even more grating is when you're on Twitter and you follow someone famous, and their tweets are riddled with errors.

I follow Nina Dobrev from Vampire Diaries. I love her, I love the show, I love that she is dating Damon in real life. I think they are awesome. I wonder if it's awkward on the set with them and Stefan, considering in real life she's dating one brother, and on the show, she's in love with another? It just seems like there might be some tension there, trying to balance her real love life with her love life on a scripted television show. About vampires. ANYWAY. The other day she tweeted "Absolute power corrupts absolutely." Don't get me started on people who use famous quotes or inspirational messages as their status updates/tweets, but then she went and attributed the quote to none other then Leonardo Dicaprio. Is she kidding me? I love Leo as much as the next girl - I could probably recite the words to his version of Romeo and Juliet because I only saw it about 25 times when I was in grade 10, but I am pretty sure we shouldn't be giving him credit for that quote. Low and behold, a quick Google search indicates it was someone named Lord Anton.

And this is the problem with the internet. All the filters are down. There is no hiding behind an aura of mystery or coolness. People are too accessible. Like is it really so hard to run a spell check, or do a quick Google search and (make an attempt) to check facts? The same thing that makes the internet amazing is the same thing that is destroying it. IT'S LIKE WE'RE KILLING THE INTERNET!

Friday Five: New Shows

2011-09-30T06:30:00.000-06:00

September is pretty much over so we are even closer to a deep freeze, snow days, and it getting dark by 5:00 p.m. than we were even 2 weeks ago. The good thing is, all of the new shows have premiered and besides work, school, invitations, and any other hobbies I pick up from now until Christmas, I will have a full schedule of new shows to watch. There are a lot of new shows, but I think I’m going to stick with these five and drop the rest of the dead weight.

Ringer, The CW – Buffy’s back! Full disclosure, I loved Buffy the Vampire Slayer. The Prom was probably the best episode of television ever to air in 1999. Angel and Buffy 4EVA. Anyway. This show is pretty fun too – it’s a bit soapy and campy, but overall, I’m sticking around for the season. It has identical twins, stolen identities, hidden pregnancies, a Native American mob boss out to kill someone, a white collar investment crime that I haven’t figured out yet (probably because I still pay some bills in person, at the bank, and have my “emergency fund” in rolls of quarters and loonies stashed in some closet in my house), and did I mention, Buffy the Vampire Slayer is in it? If that wasn’t enough, rumor has it that Jason Dohring will be part of a love triangle in that show. Eeek! I loved Logan Echolls and his crazy yellow Nissan X-Terra on Veronica Mars, and I loved him so much that I watched every episode of the trainwreck Moonlight that he was on after VM was unceremoniously cancelled. Ironically, he played a vampire on that show. And Sarah Michelle Gellar was the vampire slayer. And now they’re on the same show. And hopefully going to fall in love. Oh TV Fates, you have a wicked sense of humor!

New Girl, Fox – I thought I would hate this show, because I have a bit of an irrational hate on for Zooey Deschanel and her hipster ways, but I actually ended up really liking the show, and her. She plays a super dork that breaks up with her boyfriend, and then moves in with 3 random guys. Hilarity ensues. And in fact, hilarity does ensue. It is funny, and cute and she isn’t nearly as annoying as I thought she would be. When trying to explain their unorthodox living arrangements and relationship, one of her new roommates calls them “reverse mormons.” See? Hilarity ensues.

Up All Night, NBC – I can’t necessarily relate as, I don’t have kids or a new baby, but it is still pretty funny. The premise is a married couple that is juggling a new baby and returning to work (mom) and staying home (dad). I laugh because they seem like real people – swearing in front of the baby, and they look like a real couple - I’m sort of over all these hapless husbands having smoking hot wives - that doesn’t really happen, and they say stuff that I imagine you would really say when dealing with a new baby. After trying to relive their pre-baby days and getting drunk, the next morning, hungover and in bed, Arnett’s character offers his wife one million dollars if she goes and gets the crying baby. That is something I can relate to. I’ve offered my husband one million dollars to pass me the phone when it’s out of reach and I’ve already sat down.

Prime Suspect, NBC – I’ve never seen the original that this is based on, but going in totally blind, I kind of liked this. Maria Bello is believable as a detective and there was a good balance between cop stuff, and personal back story stuff, which can always be a challenge. Plus Kenny Johnson from The Shield is on it, and although he seems to play the same character over and over again, I still love him. I almost had to dump him as one of my TV boyfriends after Saving Grace though – I hated that show. Anyway. Prime Suspect gets a pass for now. Also, is this an old person's show?

Revenge, ABC – This is a pretty harmless fun show. A bunch of good looking rich people living in the Hamptons, and one of them is plotting revenge against the rest of them. It’s not rocket science, but it does give me something to do at 11 o’clock on Wednesday nights. The one character “Queen” Victoria is your classic evil stepmother/mastermind and I sort of love her. I’m curious to see what happens, and how everything resolves itself over the season, though I could do without the flashbacks. Either way, it sucked me in, so now I’ll stick around and see what happens to all the beautiful people.

So those are my winners for this year – duds include, but are not limited to, Terra Nova (this is lame), 2 Broke Gals (I like the blond, hate the mean brunette, plus it’s not funny) and Suburgatory (main character is miserable, and Jeremy Sisto gives me the creeps).

Did I miss anything? What are your favorite new/returning shows? Set your Tivos/DVRs people!

Shopping Spree

2011-09-28T10:55:00.000-06:00

This past weekend I went on a bit of a spending spree. I go through these phases where I buy nothing, and then all of a sudden in one fell swoop I buy everything. For example, I had a Williams Sonoma gift card burning a hole in my pocket since Christmas, so I went in and bought a cast iron skillet (that for some reason has an incredibly small handle - is that how they all are?), a pie/turnover mold, and two enormous cook books. In case you’re wondering, the gift card was for $50.00. My bill was $140.00. Then I took those bags to the car, because who wants to walk around the mall lugging a 20 pound frying pan and pie mold, and headed back for round two.

There I hit up The Bay. I love The Bay – they literally have everything you could ever need. I bought a sweater, two pairs of Levi’s jeans (as a side note, I love Levi’s jeans. I’m not embarrassed to admit that I have gone to Mark’s Work Warehouse on more than one occasion to buy a pair), a pair of shoes, one skirt, and a pair of pants for work. The woman at the til was trying to sell me on getting a Bay card, because then I would save 10% on my purchase. I looked her right in the eye, and said, “I’m going to go home, try all of this on, and return half of it. The Bay card won’t be necessary today.” So she asks me the next logical question of, why don’ you try it on right now, to which I don’t even reply, but just look towards the fitting rooms, where at 60 year old sales associate is trying to wrangle a line of about 7 women, each with no less than 275 items in their arms to try on.

True to form, I did go home, try everything on, and only ended up keeping one pair of jeans and a sweater. I can’t be the only one who does this. When you shop, do you only buy what you went for, or do you get lulled into a fugue state and when you get home have no recollection of buying half the stuff you did? Then I go back to the mall, return everything, and then buy some more, and the vicious cycle continues.

Friday Five: Favorite Music Right Now

2011-09-23T05:55:00.008-06:00

This is definitely not an exhaustive list – if it was Britney Spears and boy bands would be featured heavily. That being said, this is what I’m listening to right now.

1. Kelly Rowland feat. Big Sean– Lay it on Me

So much fun! Peppy, catchy, and danceable (while I'm in the car). Plus I love Big Sean. Anyone who can't possibly have more than a 28 inch waist and refers to himself as "Big" is good people in my books. Kelly Rowland is bringing it. Beyonce who? I kid! Love you Bey! Honorable mention to the Motivation remix as well.

2. Adele – Set Fire to the Rain

This is my favorite song from her album 21. I love that she can also really sing, and doesn't rely on being so gimmicky like Lady Gaga, who is also a great singer, but she always gets lost behind her "art" and makes people who would otherwise like her, want to punch her.

3. Rascal Flatts feat. Natasha Bedingfield – Easy

I know. I like country music. Please don't hold it against me. I'm a lover of almost all types of music, and my curse is that I couldn't carry a tune in a bucket. This song though - it's so good. Rascal Flatts always has good, depressing love/break up songs. I can see why Taylor Swift was drawn to country music - the drama! PS - sorry about the commercial before the video. On the plus side - yay Team Jacob!

4. The Killers - When We Were Young

So I know this is an old song, but I love The Killers. Brandon Flowers has a reputation for being kind of a douche, but I think they are awesome. We saw them in concert once and for such a tiny man - seriously, he can't be more than 5'5, he was so charismatic. Loved him. Love the song.

5. Anything by Eminem.
It’s true. I love him. I always have and always will. I think if he died, I’d actually be sad. Come on, you feel it too, don’t you? Let me remind you.

So, do you think I have horrible taste in music? What are you listening to right now?

Snarky Sundays: Mixing Up My Order

2011-09-18T08:00:00.001-06:00

Just a quick note to say, how annoying is it when you order take out or go through a drive thru and you open your bag of food, and they messed up your order? I understand that this a white person problem to the nth degree, but it is still very annoying. It happened to us when we ordered Chinese food one night and I thought I was going to cry. I wanted nothing more than to dig into my dumplings and when we opened the bag there was soup in it. Who the hell orders soup to be delivered to their house? Gross.

Sew Crafty

2011-08-31T16:30:00.003-06:00

Because I don’t already have enough useless hobbies that are expensive and require a lot of equipment - baking/photography, I’m looking at you – I decided to add one more to the mix. Sewing! What’s that you say? We aren’t living during the Great Depression and I don’t need to sew my own clothing? Nonsense. I got excited after seeing some patterns on Etsy, and I thought to myself, I can totally do this. Grade 9 Home Economics was only about 15 years ago, and I don’t imagine the actual technology of a sewing machine has changed dramatically in that amount of time, so why not go buy a sewing machine and 3 metres of fabric? Amiright?

Well. After watching You Tube video, after You Tube video, I still could not, for the life of me get my bobbin (seriously, when is the last time you heard that word) threaded properly. I would make a few stitches and then everything would get all tangled in the needle. SO frustrating. Finally, I realized my problem (I hadn’t locked the bobbin into position, and it kept popping out. That's what she said.) and got started. I cut my pattern for an apron, for when I never do my other hobby, baking. The irony of the situation is not lost on me. So anyways, I’m cutting my fabric, realizing that maybe 3 metres of print fabric isn’t really necessary for one apron, probably just 1 metre would have been enough, but, c’est la vie.

So I finally got to the ‘meat’ of the project – actual sewing, and I was doing okay, if I do say so myself. My speed could use a little fine tuning and some more consistency, but overall, it was an okay job. I read along the next set of instructions, and it calls for an iron to press the seam down. Is that shit for real?! I said I want to learn to sew, but now they want me to pull out an ironing board on top of everything else? Come on.

I already had to dismantle the computer that was sitting on the desk to make room for my sewing machine, I had pieces of thread all over our living room floor, not to mention scraps of paper from cutting the pattern and a tomato pin cushion thingy just waiting to be stepped on (I’m not necessarily into the whole ‘clean as you go’ process), and now they want me to pull out an iron and ironing board to add to the chaos? So I can sew an apron, that in reality, I will never wear. Oh hell no. That is where I draw the line in domestic duties. Anything that needs to be ironed is sent to the dry cleaners. I hate it, and if you'll induldge me for a quick side note, I think I know the reason why.

When I was younger I was running urgently into the family room for some reason, not realizing that my sister had started the ritual of Friday night chores we (mostly she, because she is the oldest) were assigned to with the ironing. I was in such a rush and apparently running at the speed of light that I ran right into the ironing board, clotheslining myself, and knocking the iron, ironing board, and my sisters glass of Orange Tang that she was resting on the ironing board on to the floor. I didn't burn myself, but I was literally clotheslined by an ironing board.

Since I can’t exactly return the sewing machine, although I am tempted, I’ve decided to reevaluate what my first project should be instead. I’m also thinking that I need to get over the whole ironing thing as I’m sure it will be unavoidable when sewing in general. So, crafty people, what are your ideas for an easy first time project? Currently, I’m thinking of a reusable shopping bag, a) because it seems easy and b) I’m starting to get a little sick of all the judgment when the cashier asks me if I’ve brought my own bags, to which the answer is always, no. Let me know your ideas for an easy project. Projects with a lot of ironing need not apply.

Snarky Sunday: Cash or Credit?

2011-08-28T10:26:00.000-06:00

I don’t know if I’m on my own on this one, but how frustrating is it when you’re in line at the grocery store, and someone pulls out a credit or debit card to pay for milk? Really? You don’t have a five dollar bill laying around somewhere to cover that? You have to hold up the line trying to figure out if the card has a chip reader or just needs to be swiped by the cashier, and oh, you selected the wrong account, and oops, there’s a pin error, and all I want to do is rip out a handful of change, throw it on the counter, and tell the person to scram so I can pay for my groceries in peace. Just me?

Friday Five: Fall Resolutions

2011-08-12T08:40:00.000-06:00

So the lazy days of summer are almost over and I need my brain to start picking up the pace in preparation for fall. Here are my top five resolutions for autumn that will hopefully help me stay on top of my life.

1. Actually do my homework and readings for my courses in a timely manner, instead of my usual cracking the text at the last minute to pull relevant quotes for my 15 page paper.

2. Cook dinner at home. I’m done with eating out two times a week or ordering pizza. My wallet is especially done with it.

3. Stay on top of my house. Not that I’m some desperate housewife who has millions of loads of laundry and floors to clean, but just the day to day stuff that gets away from you, you know? A little each day is my new mantra instead of A LOT all day on a Saturday.

4. Bake! How nice does your house smell when you make apple pie or homemade cookies? I need to get back into that.

5. Exercise. Especially if I start baking more, I will need to make sure I’m still going for walks or doing yoga to keep my amazing body in shape (snerk). Exercise is always the first thing that gets sacrificed when you’re busy and/or watching a Vampire Diaries marathon to catch up before the new season starts, so I need to definitely make it a priority.

Enjoy the rest of your summer everyone! Fall is just around the corner…

One of My Favorites - Curb Your Enthusiasm

2011-08-09T13:11:00.000-06:00

Summer television can be kind of a drag – Bachelor Pad 2, Summer Wipeout - I’m looking at you, but for every ten duds, there is one shining ray of light. That shining ray of light is Curb Your Enthusiasm for me. I love the “social assassin” that is Larry David. The writing is so sharp and the storylines always converge in the final act in such a hilarious and yet organic way. The show follows Larry David around and he plays himself (or perhaps an exaggerated version of himself) and is put in everyday situations that he somehow manages to make into a big deal. One episode deals with the “chat and cut” where a woman starts chatting with someone in a buffet line and cuts in front of him. Most of us would just let that slide, but he is a man of principle, and calls her out on it. Hilarity and awkwardness ensues.

I think I enjoy it so much because he says whatever is on his mind, with no regard for social appropriateness or norms (hence his nickname – “social assassin”). I would never do half the stuff Larry does – I’d probably think about doing it, and once I was removed from the situation would have a list of ten things I should have said at the time it was happening, instead of what I did do, which is likely just smile politely and give them my plate and the last of the roast beef as they cut in front of me in line. But that is neither here nor there. What makes this show so funny is that you get to see what happens when you disregard niceties and tell someone the truth, or call them out on trying to pull a chat and cut on you. It can be awkward, but mostly it’s hilarious.

Friday Five: Things I Wish I Knew How to Do

2011-08-05T08:03:00.001-06:00

1. Any winter sport. I live in Canada, and there is likely snow on the ground eight months out of the year. I’m not saying that I would enjoy being on a ski hill all day, or skating around a pond all afternoon, but I feel like these are skills I should have some mastery of. The hard truth is I have none of either.

2. Play an instrument. My husband can play the violin. If I knew how to play something, maybe we could start a really crappy band.

3. Apply make up properly. Seriously – I have no clue how to do anything to make my face look better. I can put on mascara if absolutely required, and lipstick, but really that’s it. Imagine how hot I would be if I knew what the hell foundation was and how to properly apply blush?

4. Make croissants. Seriously, why is this such a challenge?

5. Stick with a hobby for more than two months. Especially when they are expensive hobbies like photography.

The Last Book I Read

2011-08-03T14:45:00.000-06:00

I just finished reading the book Six Suspects by Vikas Swarup. I’ve shared my love of books set in the Middle East and India in the past, so I thought it would be a good fit for me. It’s from the guy who wrote Slumdog Millionaire and although I didn’t read that book, I did see the movie which was pretty good so I thought why not.

As an aside, how much do I love Irrfan Khan? He played the police inspector in Slumdog Millionaire and he was also a patient on the TV show In Treatment. Have you heard him speak? He has the most hypnotic voice. Love him. Anyways, back to the book.

So I really liked it. The ending was kind of meh, but the whole 400 pages leading up to it were really good. The book is about a man who murders a girl and then has a party to celebrate his acquittal, as you do when you get away with murder. But, TWIST! He himself is then murdered at the party.

There are three suspects in his murder. Just kidding. Obviously there are six suspects in his murder. So each chapter is written in the perspective of one of those suspects, and in the end all the stories sort of intertwine. I sort of figured out who the killer was in the third section, (as I’m sure you will too), but it was a fun story anyways. It’s a pretty easy read and the characters are interesting although the one American suspect is really stupid. Like take you out of the story stupid. Either, way, I would recommend it if you are looking to get wrapped up in a fun story.

Snarky Sunday: Epic Fail

2011-07-31T08:04:00.001-06:00

Can we all make a promise to ourselves to stop using the word epic when the event being described is in fact, not epic? For example:

I just drove through some epic traffic.

No, you didn’t. There is nothing epic about standard daily rush hour traffic.

That party last night was epic!

- Really? Did they have elephants and tigers walking through the house like in some crazy music video? Did someone die from a drug overdose? No? Then it probably wasn’t epic. Just because the police showed up because your neighbor complained does not make it epic – it makes it a regular party, similar to the one I had at my parents’ house when I was seventeen.

That movie was epic!

- Sorry to break it to you, but it probably wasn’t. The only movie that was epic, was probably the first movie ever played in the history of movies. After that, they are kind of all the same. Sure, I love Twilight as much as the next girl (team Jacob!), but I can’t say that it’s an epic movie. (Obviously).

Epic Fail
-

Missing your stop on the bus because you were texting? Not an epic fail. Forgetting to pick up milk on the way home? Not an epic fail. Forgetting to pick your kid up from the bus stop because you were getting milk? That could potentially be considered an epic fail.

My point is, stop overstating things people. Unless there was some huge catastrophe, tragedy, or elephants and tigers involved, find a different adjective.

Friday Five: Things I Didn't Do This Week

2011-07-29T10:02:00.000-06:00

1. Participate in the Daring Bakers July challenge. I think they may kick me out.

2. Drink any Diet Coke. I’m on the wagon. Its siren song has been calling out to me every day at 2:00 p.m., and I haven’t answered its call once. I miss it so, so much.

3. Do laundry. I don’t think I can extend the life of the jeans I’m wearing for much longer. Something must be done. I guess I know what my long weekend plans are.

4. Talk to my dad at all. He’s on holidays and I haven’t been able to get a hold of him. Actually, now that I think about it, I haven’t talked to him since he left ten days ago. He’s going to kill me.

5. Did I mention I didn’t drink any Diet Coke?

Snarky Sunday: Hipster Chic

2011-07-24T11:18:00.004-06:00

I understand fads and trends and all the rest of that. I don’t wear a paper sack, or designer clothes, but I’m somewhere in the middle I think. I will splurge on some things – a nice purse, maybe a pair of shoes, or a good pair of jeans, but that’s about it. The thing is though, if I buy something nice, it’s going to look like something nice. I don't want to sound like an oldy lady - I'm not, but doesn't anyone care about looking presentable anymore?

What I don’t understand is people paying top dollar to look like an extra from Saved By the Bell. Oversized dark frame glasses. Check. Oversized t-shirt. Check. Acid wash jeans and/or tights. Check. All of the above are worn in an unironic manner, like it's totally normal to have glasses that are ten sizes too big for your face? Check. What is the point of that? Do they not realize they look really stupid? I get that trends are cyclical but I think some things just should not be recycled.

What is even worse is all the accessories you need to be a hipster. Let me go and pay thousands of dollars for a restored record player. Or how about lugging around a typewriter instead of a laptop? I just think it’s hilarious that these people (usually twenty somethings – of which I myself am one, but have somehow managed to escape the siren song of Polaroid cameras and fluorescent clothing) are trying so hard to be unique when they look like every other loser at Starbucks. Again, it’s a trend, and I'll admit, some components of it do seem like fun, but for the most part I really hope it passes soon. Like come on! The 80s are over. You were born in the 90s or at the very least only a toddler in the 80s. Claim your own style rather than trying to look like a character from a John Hughes movie (if you even know who that is). Oh. one more thing. If you are over the age of thirty and participating in this trend, then you really need to not do that anymore. When people in their 20s do it, it's annoying. When you do it, it's obnoxious and desperate.

Snarky Sunday - Pedicures

2011-07-17T08:00:00.004-06:00

I feel like lately I haven’t been bringing the snark as frequently as I would like. I plan on remedying this with a weekly injection of it, called Snarky Sundays.

I am not the type of person who wants to spend a day at the spa to relax – that would actually stress me out more than anything. My mind would be racing with all the tasks I’ve neglected because I’m wearing a white robe and trying to avoid athlete’s foot in the lounge area. Seriously I just want you to paint my toenails – why am I undressing?! It just seems like a lot of pomp and circumstance for some nail polish is all I’m saying. I get it – some people like that – more power to you. If you like paying $100.00 for a pedicure just so you can wear a robe and access the bacteria ridden facilities like the hot tub and sauna, then absolutely – knock yourself out. I hope you have a prescription for Cipro on standby.

Instead, I prefer the bacteria ridden tools of the chop shop nail salon that you can find on the corner of shopping complexes in suburbia. The risk seems worth the reward – a pedi/mani in less than one hour, no obligation to speak to the aesthetician (mainly because nine times out of ten she is ignoring you just as much as you are avoiding conversation with her) and it will only cost you $45.00 (including the tip)! But, all that being said, there is one thing that annoys me about these places.

I appreciate the trade off – you get what you pay for. I’m totally on board with that. But if I specifically call ahead and make an appointment, and show up to said appointment, and I still have to wait 20 minutes with my feet soaking in a bucket of tepid water before someone comes to help me out, that is where I draw the line. Especially when I see only three employees and ten women at various states of their manicures, nail fills, or pedicures. My dad has a restaurant, I understand that you always make room for one more customer, but he’s not going to make the people that called and made a reservation wait because someone just showed up. I wish they would apply the same practice at nail salons. They totally trap you – the water bath may as well be a cement block because they know, once they have you in the soaker tub, you aren’t going anywhere. And they are totally right – I just wish there was a middle ground salon. Somewhere that is cleaner than the chop shop, but less pretentious than the spa. Or perhaps I should just do my own damn nails. What is your preference?

One of my Favorites - Breaking Bad

2011-07-12T08:00:00.001-06:00

*Links may contain spoilers

I feel like it is my responsibility, when I find a good TV show, to share it with everyone I know. It actually gives me great joy (it's the simple things in life really) to share a hidden gem of a TV show with someone who normally would not have watched it. I did this with Breaking Bad last year - I got both my sisters, and all of my cousins (FYI - I'm Greek, so there are a lot of us) to watch it and they all loved it.

I can not express how excited I am that Breaking Bad starts again this Sunday. It has been a long time since season 3 finished and I can't wait for this amazing show to start again. Have you seen it? If you haven't, do yourself a favor and go rent, borrow, buy or steal the first three seasons on DVD so you can catch up. The seasons are only 10 or 12 episodes so you still have time. As an aside, I know that you have time to watch this because I once bought season five of 24 on DVD on a Thursday night (the new season would start three days later on Sunday night) and let me tell you - Jack Bauer wasn't the only one who was racing against the clock. I totally did it - and that was 24 episodes. I'm not saying this is something I'm particularly proud of, but my point is that it can be done. I don't want to hear excuses!

Anway. Reasons why Breaking Bad is amazing - it is very well written (it's on AMC - where "stories matter"), it has beautiful cinematography - this is a show that definitely needs an HD box, and the characters, oh the glorious characters. I like to think that if I knew Jesse(beware of spoilers if you click on the link) in real life I would take him home with me and give him a big hug and take care of him forever. Unfortunately, I'm not so altruistic that I would bring a former crystal meth addict that has ties with the drug trade as a user, pusher, and producer into my home, so I'm glad I don't actually know Jesse (or anyone like him) in real life.

And yes, I did just write 80 words about a character on a fictional television show and why I wouldn't bring him into my home.

The storylines are captivating and you find yourself rooting for people that you normally wouldn't be on side with, and the relationships are all complex and interwoven, and it is just really, really good. Check it out and let me know what you think - you won't be sorry!

The Daring Bakers: Baklava

2011-06-27T17:46:00.001-06:00

One of my goals was to post more often, and one of the ways I convinced myself to do that was to join an online group where there were monthly or weekly challenges, that we all had to participate in. I figured if nothing else, I’d be forced to participate and shunned if I didn’t, so that would be the motivation to keep me engaged. The Daring Bakers were kind enough to accept me into their fold. The Daring Bakers are a group of bloggers that participate in monthly ‘daring’ food challenges and share their trials, tribulations, and primarily successes on their own personal blogs.

Each month a different blogger gets to select the dare, and for June Erica of Erica’s Edibles was our host for the Daring Baker’s June challenge. Erica challenged us to be truly DARING by making homemade phyllo dough and then to use that homemade dough to make Baklava.

I felt I had the upper hand on this challenge as I am Greek, and my mother actually makes all of her own phyllo when making spanakopita or tiropita. I didn’t think it would be an issue, but more of a birth right. Obviously, if my croissants are any indication of what my dough skills are like, I should have been a bit less cocky.

I made a few attempts at it, but could never get the dough as thin as my mother does - it wasn’t paper thin or delicate, but more heavy and overbearing. Not to mention that I couldn’t for the life of me get it to a round shape at all, but instead some ever expanding blob that had bulges all around it. So I admitted defeat. I bought some regular phyllo, and made it so I could at least take a final picture and share with everyone (although, I forgot to take a picture and only remembered after we had already eaten most of it). I will definitely revisit this, but I think I’m going to need a quick tutorial from my mom first.

Going MAD

2011-06-12T20:50:00.000-06:00

Hey friends! I've been told I need to stop apologizing for disappearing on you for extended periods of time and just own it, so that's the last I'm going to mention of it. In the past I know I've talked about the baking business my sisters and I started, but something new has been keeping me busy for the last little while.

We decided that we would hang up our aprons for the time being and focus on the printables that we were creating alongside our cupcakes. So we took some classes to formalize the skills we taught ourselves and set up shop. An Etsy shop to be exact. And another blog. The name of our business is MADesigns - a play on the first letter of each of our names (Mary - Angela - Dimitra). We thought about other combos, and DAMdesigns just didn't have as nice a ring to it. We've been busy - creating invitations, brainstorming party themes, staging everything, working tradeshows, and trying to get some buzz going.

So if you are planning a party in the near future, be sure to check us out for all your paper needs! I will still be updating here, infrequently, as always!

One Match

2011-05-16T22:10:00.000-06:00

This past weekend I volunteered at a swabbing event for One Match. The patient we were trying to find a match for is Cathy who has Acute Myeloid Leukemia. I don't know who she is (she lives across the country from me) but I read about her battle with leukemia on her website. I wasn't familiar with the One Match before this event, but I definitely learned a lot.

Ethnicity plays a huge role in trying to find a match for someone, which is why various Greek communities throughout Canada were holding these events - Cathy has a better chance of finding a match with a Greek person then a non Greek. Ideal candidates for donors are healthy males between the age of 17-39 (tell your husbands, boyfriends, sons and friends to get registered!). It really takes only about five minutes to register and get swabbed and you can do it from the comfort of your own home. To order a swabbing kit, go here and click on join.

I can't give blood (I'm anemic), and I don't volunteer on a regular basis (I'm an asshole), but this felt pretty good for my soul. The chances of being a match for someone are unfortunately pretty slim, but the hope you can give someone just by registering is huge.

Either/Or

2011-05-05T15:05:00.000-06:00

I am suffering from some major writer’s block so I thought I would pilfer a questionnaire I found on another blog.

Diet or Regular? Diet Coke only. Addicted to it. I know, I’m a horrible person for drinking it. Stop judging me.
Pizza or Pasta? Pizza – pepperoni and feta, well done.
Duck or Chicken? Chicken
Fingers or Toes? I don’t understand the question and I refuse to answer it.
Sandals or Sneakers? Flip flops
Walk or Run? Sit on the couch
Noise or Silence? Silence
Fair or Circus? Fair – specifically the greatest outdoor show on earth.
All or Nothing? All I guess? This is kind of a random question. Who would choose nothing?
Mother or Father? Both
Morning or Night? Night.
Forest or Beach? Beach, although it depends if the forest is enchanted or not.
Pen or Pencil? Very sharp pencil
Eyes or Smile? Smile
Winter or Summer? Summer. We get 6 months of snow here, so summer is very appreciated when it decides to show up.

Have a great weekend!

Continuing Education Part 2

2011-04-16T09:51:00.000-06:00

Hello again. Sorry for the delay in posts. I suppose I don't really have an excuse, except the weather has been horrible and I've been kind of unmotivated.

The only thing I've accomplished is finishing the Aurora Teagarden mystery series by Charlaine Harris. It was the horrible. I really don't know why I stuck with it all the way to the end and kept on getting the next book in the series, but I wanted to see it through. Plus it pretty much took me a maximum of two nights to read each of the books, so I felt like a superstar reader.

I hope my speed reading continues to serve me well - I am starting a graduate studies program. Woot woot! Soon enough I will be a Master of Distance Education - sounds exciting hey? I actually am excited about it a bit. I've always liked taking courses, so I think it was high time to courses that could potentially help in my career. Plus it is completely online which is where I excel. It should be interesting. I am starting this spring, so will have yet another excuse to not update this blog. I kid! I am going to make even more of an effort going forward. Once a week updates at least, if not more. So, that's my news people. Wish me luck as I haven't written a paper using APA format since 2002!

Stir Crazy

2011-03-28T15:42:00.000-06:00

How is the weather where you are? Where I am it is still SNOWING! Like a lot of it. At this rate, I don’t think we will see green grass until July. I know, the weather is generally pretty crappy all over the place right now, but seriously, it is almost April! March came in and is leaving like a freaking lion. To make matters worse, with the whole “spring ahead” of our clocks a few weeks back, when it’s 8:30 p.m., it’s still light outside, and there is snow on the ground. I just can’t reconcile that. And the clothes, the cute, brightly colored, opened toed shoes kind of clothes that are out right now. I’m still wearing my Uggs and a parka. Also, I’m getting really sick of the bottom of my pants getting soaking wet from the snow, having a permanently dirty car, and tracking snow and gravel into my house. It’s getting beyond ridiculous.

So because the weather has been total garbage, I have been spending a lot of time indoors. I have caught up on a lot of reading. I love books – and not just cook books - almost as much as I love television. I finished reading Dahanu Road by Anosh Irani. Such a good book! If you haven’t read it, I totally recommend it. I have a soft spot for books that take place in India or the Middle East for some reason. It seems like there is more history and the love (and hatred) of the characters is always that much more epic. Either way, this one gets my vote.

After finishing that book, I felt I had filled my ‘serious’ quota for a while and wanted a quick and easy read. So next I tackled the Aurora Teagarden Series by Charlaine Harris (her other series – the Sookie Stackhouse Novels are the basis of HBOs True Blood). Oh my goodness. These books are ridiculously easy to read, totally vapid, and I’ve usually solved the mystery by the middle of the book, but such fun. I love Aurora, the main character – she’s kind of a dork, sarcastic and self deprecating so I am totally endeared to her. Plus she works in a library, which was one of my dream jobs as a child. I finished the first two this weekend, and started reading the third one today. Like I said, they are very quick reads.

I also picked up Water for Elephants by Sara Gruen. So far so good, but I’m only about half way through that one. Robert Pattinson and Reese Witherspoon are going to star in the movie adaptation of the book. Picturing Edward Cullen falling in love with Elle Woods is really throwing me off my game. I have a hard time removing people from the characters that they’ve played. Obviously.

So that’s what I’ve been up to while waiting for the seasons to finally change. Don't judge me too harshly with the Aurora books. I'm not really that shallow. I read good books too, I promise. How have you been dealing with our extended winter? Have you read any good books lately? Share your must reads in the comments!

Happy Belated Birthday!

2011-03-24T09:31:00.000-06:00

Yesterday was March 23 – besides being Keri Russell’s birthday (oh Felicity, why did you ever waste your time with Noel?), it is a rather insignificant day in history. However! It was also the one year anniversary of this very blog. Can you believe it? I know, I certainly can’t. I am working on a post about some reading I’ve been doing lately but wanted to acknowledge this milestone (ha!) with a quick post.

I understand that I still need to be more consistent and post more frequently (in one year I only have twenty posts), and I’d love to have more readers, (seriously, if you are reading this, please do me a favor and say hello in the comments. It will make my day!), but the fact that I even remember my password to Blogger speaks volumes at how far I’ve come from previous attempts. Thanks for reading, thanks for posting in the comments, thanks for coming back after I’ve taken a huge hiatus, and thanks for allowing me to snark on. I’m off to celebrate with a cupcake!

March Madness

2011-03-17T14:26:00.000-06:00

I think I have mentioned in the past how my sisters and I have a ‘business’ which is in quotations because we don’t really make a huge amount of money off of it, but are very enthusiastic about it nonetheless. We do baked goods, Greek desserts, and we’ve recently expanded our empire (ha!) to digital and print invitations as well.

Well, let me tell you – March has been a busy month for us. With actual paying customers (this is another flaw of our business plan – everyone gets a deal!). It’s like we can’t be stopped!

Check out some of our stuff:

One of My Favorites - Deadwood

2011-03-10T14:30:00.000-07:00

Look, I understand I’m not Oprah, I don’t have a cult like following (seriously, I haven’t even cracked 10 followers), and nobody asked my opinion, but there are some things that I feel duty bound to share with you because I find them so awesome. My favorites in life mostly consist of irrelevant things, like a TV show, a recipe or a book, but no matter how insignificant, I will be sharing it with you.

Deadwood. I know it has been off the air for five years, but can we all have a shot of whiskey in honor of this great show? Have you seen it? I watched the first season with my sisters in one weekend a few summers ago. Needless to say, our daily level of profanity usage increased tenfold by the season finale.

For those of you who haven’t seen it, it takes place in the Black Hills of a Dakota mining camp. It is 1876 and the camp is primarily made up of a bunch of undesirable people that you should be wary of, but somehow find yourself rooting for. Al Swearengen is the owner of the Gem Saloon and one of the main characters, a true antihero if there ever was one. Let me try and paint a picture. Think of any villainous father from a Disney cartoon and cover him with dirt and that’s physically what he looks like. Next give him the personality of Tony Soprano, with even less regard and value for the fairer sex, and for his final act, give him the strategic prowess of the Spartans during the Battle of Thermopylae (that the Spartans eventually lost, is sort of foreshadowing. Oops – spoiler alert) and that’s kind of who he is in a nutshell. He is also funny, clever and always looking for an angle. I love him. His folly is Seth Bullock.

Bullock came riding into town with his partner Sol Star to open a hardware business, and carry on one of the greatest bromances in the history of television. He is a good guy but can be hard to like. Also, he is played by (one of) my television boyfriends, Timothy Olyphant, so that’s all you really need to know about him. Seriously.

The point is, the show has a lot of interesting characters (some based on real people in history, others completely made up) that you find yourself invested in. It is a smart show, so you have to keep up and pay attention, and it is a pretty show to look at, minus all the dirt everyone seems to be constantly covered in. The dresses and even the way people talk has a nice ring to it (not counting the over forty times the F word was used in the pilot episode). Perhaps I’m making it seem more whimsical than it is – I’ve warned you about the profanity – but I just love the story they are telling, and the entire cast of supporting characters are just as important as the main characters.

Anyways, the show is dead and gone, but you should catch up on DVD, HBO, online, or wherever. You won’t be sorry. In the words of Al Swearengen, “Welcome to fuckin' Deadwood! Can be... combative!”

Namaste

2011-03-01T08:30:00.003-07:00

So I decided that I would postpone my new year's resolution until February
- when everyone else was giving up on their resolutions, I'd just be
gearing up for mine – and it would seem like I’m ultra committed. It seemed to work. I found a hot yoga studio near my house that had just opened, and decided to give it a shot. My initial plan was to hit the 6:30 am class for my first time - I didn't want to be surrounded by a bunch of young college girls who were smoking hot, and actually knew what the heck they were doing and instead preferred to go at the crack of dawn where the chance of being seen in my outdated yoga wear by some judge-y twenty year old was significantly smaller. Unfortunately that didn't work out as a friend strong armed me into going with her to the 8 p.m. class - the exact class I was trying to avoid. Either way, we went, and it was pretty awesome. Beyond the fact that I had no clue what I was doing, and there were close to 50 people in the room, it was actually pretty good.

Have you tried it before? Personally, I like how quiet it is in the room, and how I actually feel like I’m working out – after 75 minutes I am drenched, I can’t imagine doing yoga in a room that isn’t 40 degree – it seems like it would be pointless. And the instructors. Oh the glorious instructors. They are so hippy and dippy and not my style at all, but the one instructor has this hypnotic voice, that puts me in a trance every class. She speaks really quickly and low, and then all of a sudden super loud. For example, if we are in tree pose, she will say “Step one is to stay here with your hands at heart center. Thatisabsolutelyfine.Listentoyourbody. If you’ve found your balance, move your hands above your head. If you’ve found balance, extend your gaze to the ceiling. Lift your hands higher. Reach, your hands higher for one, lift your gaze to the ceiling for two and higher for three.” She’s so wild.

That being said, there are some things I can’t behind and/or don’t understand.

When the instructor says to “bring awareness to your breathing”, what the hell does she mean? It’s like, okay, I am breathing, I know I’m breathing because I’m still alive, so what more beyond that do you need? Or the other one is “breathe into your back/hips/core/etc.” HOW ON EARTH DO YOU DO THAT? I’m sorry for yelling, but when I breathe, I think I’m breathing into my lungs, no? Also, what is with men not wearing shirts in the class?
Why do they feel that is appropriate? There is one guy that is always shirtless and it annoys me even more because he wears bicycle shorts on top of everything else. Think about that. Bicycle, spandex-y shorts with no shirt. I don't need to see that lethal combination. No one does. Do us all a favor and throw on a t-shirt. Everyone is hot. You are the only one with no shirt.

I’ve accepted that I’m probably doing half of the poses incorrectly, will never figure out the proper way to breathe, my clothes are highly outdated, and there is a good chance I’ve probably developed some sort of athletes foot from walking around the studio barefoot all the time. Even still, I think I will continue to stick with it – I can do a headstand again! And I’m thisclose to doing a full wheel (sorry for the somewhat graphic nature of that link). If you haven’t tried it, you should – it really is a lot of fun (minus the shirtless men).

I'm Back. For Real This Time.

2011-02-23T20:25:00.001-07:00

I feel like I’m this really unreliable boyfriend who pops into your life every once in a while, shows you a great time and showers you with attention and love. Then he disappears as quickly as he came (that’s what she said), and you’re left to wonder, was it something I said? Am I not pretty enough? When the truth of the matter is – he was never good enough for you in the first place. I’m pretty sure I’ve dragged this analogy on long enough, but the point is, I’ve changed. I do love you. Please take me back.

Even though I haven’t been updating my blog, I have been thinking about it. Remember my to do list? Well I actually half achieved something on the list.
I made croissants. They were a disaster, but I did make them.

I made the dough, which was rock solid for some reason. I was trying to roll it out with about 10,000lbs of pressure and I was barely able to open it up to the 10 x 10 square that was outlined in the recipe. Beyond that, my yeast didn’t seem to ‘activate’ at all, and instead my dough was speckled with weird brown yeasty flakes which left a lot to be desired. I made the butter packet correctly (I think), but when I was rolling it in to the dough and making turns with it, something obviously went wrong again, because when I pulled the croissants out of the oven, they were swimming in pool of butter, didn’t rise, and didn’t seem to bake all the way through. On the positive side – they looked like croissants and they had the right shape. Hopefully the second time is the charm, because I feel like I was so close, yet so far away.

{check out the brown flecks - this is right before I baked them}

So even though I was out of sight, I certainly wasn’t out of mind, but I am going to make more of an effort to update this more frequently. Until next time! (Hopefully it won’t be 3 months later).

A Fraction of the Whole

2010-11-21T12:00:00.005-07:00

I'm not sure if I've discussed my cookbook problem with you before, but I have a sickness. I love to buy cookbooks. I may never make a single recipe from it, but I just love the idea of cookbooks. I can't control myself either. Amazon makes it so easy to purchase books on their website, I just lose track, and before I know it, my shopping cart is full, I qualify for Super Saver Shipping and I can't even remember what it was I ordered in the first place. Here are some of my favorites from my bookshelves below.

Nigella was one of my first loves - I thought her Domestic Goddess cookbook had such a clever title, and it was one of the first cookbooks I ever bought. I'll always buy her cookbooks, even though her on air personality kind of drives me bananas - all her gushing over food and licking spoons and nonsense. I don't think I'm a prude, but what the hell Nigella, do up the top button of your blouse!

I bought the Professional Baking cookbook when I first realized that I loved baking, but didn't want to enrol in the baking program at the technical school in my city. I figured it was like a text book for school which helped me justify the $100+ price tag for it. I just thought about all the money I would be saving by not enrolling in the courses, and instead, just teach myself how to become a professional baker (like it was hard or something). In case you're wondering, I didn't.

Contrary to the below cookbooks, I'm not actually from the south, nor do I regularly cook fried chicken. However, I do love butter and bacon, so that explains the Paula Deen and Pioneer Woman books. Also, the one that is titled Fat (cancelling out any goodwill from the Diabetes Desserts cookbook above it) is also self explanatory. I'm always looking for ways to incorporate bacon fat into my diet, and I suggest you do the same.

This demonstrates a small fraction of my cookbook collection - the rest are scattered throughout my house, on coffee tables, night stands and kitchen drawers. I always tell myself I will stop buying more, but like an addict who wants just one last hit, I can't, I just love having them around. Please tell me I'm not the only one with a random weakness - confess your addictions in the comments below!

About That List...

2010-11-11T08:51:00.000-07:00

So I think it will be a surprise to no one when I mention that I haven’t made huge in roads on my list yet. Shocking, I know. I think I have a semi-reasonable excuse. I have been busy! I was taking a night class once a week, which THANK GOD it is over – although the instructor was enthusiastic and knowledgeable about the subject matter, the subject matter was information systems for human resources and I realized sitting there for 5 weeks that I don’t really care that much about where to store employee information. New hires could write their contact info and social insurance number on the back of a napkin for all I care, I would still accept it. I’m a big fan of not overcomplicating things and an information system seems complicated.

So I had the class on Wednesday nights, plus I was working my bartending gig on Monday nights, which was only supposed to be temporary, but 3 months later I was still doing it (I’m done now), so that kept me busy, and obviously I had to watch my shows on Sunday nights (Mad Men/The Walking Dead – Boardwalk Empire/Dexter), so there was that too. As you can see, I’ve got a lot of stuff going on!

Either way, I’m back now, and even with my unbelievably busy schedule (snerk), I think I can cross something off my list. I have developed some basic Adobe Illustrator skills. Woot woot! Yes friends, I know how to use the program I bought so long ago. I met with one of my co-workers who is quite tech savvy and skilled in all things Adobe, and quite frankly has the patience of a saint (how many times can you tell one person “hold the Shift button and drag” with a smile on your face every time I would hit Control and drag? I was ready to knock my own ass out on her behalf), and for the price of one Tim Horton’s coffee, she showed me the ropes. Obviously I’m not going to be some crazy web designer or something all of a sudden, but I can do a bunch of stuff – invitations, announcements, cupcake toppers. I’m telling you – I have been loving the power I wield with this skill. I can make my own stuff – my Etsy spending has decreased significantly now that I know what I’m (sort of) doing, and all I want to do is plan parties so I have an excuse to use my new skills. So, I would say, success – it took me a while, but slow and steady wins the race.

What do you think I should tackle next? I’ve added even more books to the cook book collection, so perhaps croissants are in order? Let me know!

How Was Your Service Tonight?

2010-10-10T23:39:00.002-06:00

So I went for dinner with my mother and sister to The Keg. Now if you've been a long time reader of this blog (which, HA! - you could have started reading this today and finished the whole thing in 20 minutes), but you would assume that I eat there all the time. The reality is, I've only eaten there maybe four times in my whole life, this specific dinner being one of those times.

Either way, we went because it was kid friendly and casual, but we certainly regretted it after. None of us ate well and it seemed like everything annoyed us. Now I don't know if it's because we have a restaurant and have certain expectations of how things should be, but we are never satisfied. It's true. It's a wonder why we ever leave the house. What I'm wondering though, is how long does it take you to realize you like/loathe your server? My sister and I got seated and the server asked what we'd like to drink and as soon as she left, we both blurted out: "I hate this bitch".

Now normally a server does something listed below to irritate me:

1. Too much enthusiasm: I appreciate enthusiasm, but don't act like you were waiting all night for me to show up. I know you weren't. Also, I don't genuinely believe that you are that excited about your daily features, so calm down. Let's both take a step back and you can talk to me like a reasonable person, instead of talking to me through a creepy smile. Also, don't even think about being so engaged with me that you bend down/crouch to a squat and lean on my table. I will be mildly annoyed. My husband will probably kill you.

2. Not enthusiastic enough: Of course it's a fine balance, and I've stated above, I don't need you to be doing cartwheels at my table, but please, act like you have a pulse, and I'm not a huge burden on you. I get it, no one loves their job every day, but everyone has to do their job every day, so grin and bear it.

3. They tell you their name: I'm not trying to sound like a snob, because I don't mean to say, "like your name even matters, peon", but rather, We don't know eachother - I'm not actually going to call you by your name - ever!

In this instance though, she didn't really do any of the above (except #3), and yet we were done with her before she even brought us our drinks. Which leads me to believe that in fact, we may be the problem. Having grown up in a restaurant has ruined us. Our expectations too high, and our tolerance for poor service too low. Because I understand the world is fair, I am certain, that servers have a 10 point list about which customers they like/can't stand similar to my list above. So when they see me walk in and I pretend to listen to them as they go through their script of daily specials, always order a glass of water plus my standard Diet Coke, and ask for no lettuce or tomato on a clubhouse, I am certain when they walk back to the server station they mutter to their coworkers, I hate this bitch.

Boulevard of Broken Dreams

2010-10-09T23:36:00.000-06:00

In a never ending effort to get to that pesky list I threw out in the
universe, I was researching some recipes online one day when I came across
a local (to me blogger). She was discussing what she’d done on the weekend
and mentioned that a dessert bar she enjoyed was closing down permanently
at the end of August. Sidebar - as I write that, I realize how long I have been sitting on this 'story' for. I need to update this blog more consistently.

Being the diligent investigator that I am, I went to said dessert bars’
website and lo and behold, they were closing down after 4 years in
business. I’d gone once or twice before, and was less than thrilled about
it. I felt like it was trying too hard and took itself too seriously, all
the while trying to come off as an ‘indie’ restaurant. Give. Me. A. Break.
The rent they were likely paying for the location, did not scream ‘indie’,
but in fact, ‘numerous investors’ and ‘silent partners’ which I’m totally
okay with, of course, but please don’t misrepresent yourself. Whatever.

I was thrilled to discover that they were liquidating their assets and
selling all their kitchen equipment and supplies. So, I quickly ran down to
the restaurant at lunch and picked through the shattered dreams of a
disillusioned pastry chef. For the low price of $60 I walked away with
5 commercial sized baking sheets. FYI – these don’t fit in my oven, because
I don’t have a COMMERCIAL oven. Sometimes I get caught up in the moment.
They fit in my moms oven though, so all is not lost. Plus, 3 cake pans – 2 standard and one "oversized" pan. Apparently the "oversized" pan (which the most expensive of the 3) is custom made as it isn’t a standard size I call bullshit, but wasn’t about to nickel and dime someone whose dreams were crashing all around them.

I was disappointed that I didn’t find something better – I was hoping to
find pie pans or a pastry wheel – but this was still a pretty good score. I
decided that I would send my husband down to double check on his way to
work that night to see if there was anything else worth buying, or if they brought more stuff out. Well, it is a good thing I did, because he came home with this:

Yes, that is an 8 quart commercial mixer. In case you’re wondering it is
for professional/commercial use, it weighs approximately 70 pounds, and is
currently living in my garage because it doesn’t actually fit between my kitchen counters and cupboards. He bought it for $400 and after some online research , I discovered that they retail for approximately $1200. In other words, AMAZING!

I am so excited to actually use it though I haven’t had a chance to yet,
because I can’t lift it up the two flights of stairs to my kitchen by myself. I’m
thinking of converting a section of my garage into a kitchen/work area. A
renovation seems like a reasonable solution to buying a piece of kitchen
equipment I don’t actually need, that I bought to finish a task
(croissants) on an arbitrary list I made, for a blog that fewer than 10
people read. Am I right? Anyone? Bueller?

Smells Like September

2010-09-21T13:37:00.002-06:00

There is something about September that makes me happy. I celebrated my 3rd wedding anniversary at the beginning of September, (can you say i-Pad? i-Love my husband); classes start again so work is busy and the campus has a pulse, the leaves change – fall is coming, you can wear corduroy pants again (just me?) and the wasteland that is summer television is coming to an end. Big Brother and Wipeout, I’m looking at you, Mad Men, you can stay. True Blood, I’m mad at you, but I love Eric, so you can stick around. For now.

Something else to look forward in September and the fall in general, is all the recipes that come out - pumpkins, apples, and comfort food take center stage. Thank goodness, because I think I’m officially over strawberries and cherries. My parents have a couple of apple trees in their yard and we got together to make apple crumble. We made 12 altogether, and it was pretty easy and quick, (except for 2 hours it took to peel 100s of apples) once you had all your ingredients assembled. An added bonus of course is the smell that fills your kitchen when baking them. I made the fatal mistake of baking one and not having vanilla ice cream on hand to eat it with. You can’t imagine the horror.

A sample of some of our apple crumbles. Sorry the picture is garbage, it's from my Blackberry - turn your head 90 degrees to the right to get the right perspective.

Happy Fall!

Keeping My Day Job

2010-08-24T10:34:00.000-06:00

My parents have a restaurant – it has been an ‘establishment’ in the neighborhood it’s in for over thirty years. It started as a restaurant and lounge, and through various renovations and changes in smoking laws, has finally transformed to a full bar. There are pool tables, dart boards, gambling terminals, and big screen TVs. Imagine your local neighborhood pub, now replace their crappy food with the best pizza you’ve ever had, and that’s what our restaurant is like.

My sisters and I basically grew up in that restaurant where we would answer phones, wash dishes, do any kind of food prep, bus tables and when we got older, actually be responsible to ‘manage’ the restaurant when we either opened or closed on weekends, giving our parents some much needed time off.

What we have never done though, is actually wait tables. I don’t know for sure but I imagine my parents’ motivation from keeping us from being actual servers was threefold. The first reason was that school and university were always the number one priority, and if we worked at the restaurant, we’d need to work late nights and wouldn’t be able to manage both. The second, reason was that none of us could hold a tray to save our lives, and would in reality be horrible servers. And finally, the most important reason we were never waitresses: if we started waiting tables, we would likely never stop because we’d be millionaires, and would never get a ‘real’ job!

This is something I always believed to be true, and now I know for sure.

Oh my God! Never feel sorry for the waitress who’s fifty and still working at the diner – she’s loaded! I understand there is a tradeoff – crappy hours, hard job physically, no benefits, etc. BUT! The tips – oh, the glorious tips! I discovered the money train that is the service industry when our bar tender quit because they were making the jump from bar tender to project manager at an oil firm. Which I've learned is code for, 'I have a drug problem and need to leave the city'. Because we were short staffed, I stepped into the role of bartender. I had done it numerous times before assisting the main bartender, but I’d never actually worked a shift on my own. Now I love it – I work on the slow nights – Mondays and Wednesdays, and my parents were right, if I had been doing this from the time I was in university, I’d never get a real job - the money even on the slow nights I work, is amazing - and I'm just the bartender. We have a waitress who actually went to school to become a teacher, but she has since left her day job and waitresses pretty much full time – I understand her motivation. Before there was judgment, now I’m in awe.

I worked again last night and that’s when it happened. The underbelly of bartending reared its ugly head. Somebody ‘walked out’ on me. Nooooooo! A regular came in and had a ‘date’ (and I use the term loosely) with him. He was ordering drinks, appetizers, food, he was having a great time at the bar. Then his bill comes and his credit card DECLINED, debit card DECLINED. I was so annoyed. He assured me he would be back to pay for his outstanding bill ($50.00), and I know that he’s good for it – he’s there every day practically, but the devastation of having to cover that bill to my own restaurant, was a weird feeling I’ll admit. So yes, although the money is good, you have to actually ensure that people can afford to pay their bill at the end of the night, otherwise you as their server are on the hook for it. Which brings me to my next question: why would anyone want to be a waitress?

********************

PS - I made the creme brulee. Pictures and blog post to follow this week!

Crème Brulee Fail

2010-08-10T10:00:00.001-06:00

I was prepped and ready to go - I was going to tackle my to do list! I had my recipe photocopied and taped to my kitchen cabinet, all my ingredients ready to go, time blocked off in the morning to tackle the dish, and the resolve of champion fighter with something to prove. All that was left was for me to get the kitchen torch and the ramekin dishes. I felt if I was going to make crème brulee, I was going to do it properly and with the right tools so the kitchen torch was non negotiable for me. With regards to the ramekins, my subsequent downfall, I legitimately didn’t have anything that could act as a substitute in my pantry for them, so they were absolutely required, otherwise I would have to bake the crème brulee in cereal bowls, which would really take away from the whole presentation piece.

So off I quickly went to Williams-Sonoma to pick up the final pieces of my crème brulee puzzle, the kitchen torch and ramekins. I appreciate and understand fully that Williams-Sonoma is overpriced. I accept that walking into the store, and I know that I’m overpaying, but because I like the idea of that store, I don’t mind.

My experience with Williams-Sonoma is this: walk in, get distracted by the cute displays, pretty looking samples and overly helpful salespeople. I buy something I didn’t even know I needed (newsflash, I didn’t need it) and walk out not actually realizing what I've done, like I'm in some sort of fugue state. However when I was at the till paying for four ramekins and a kitchen torch, and the grandma working the register said the total was $181.65, I quickly snapped out of the fugue state and had a rare moment of lucidity in that store. I had to quickly decide - my own Sophie's Choice if you will - ramekins or kitchen torch? How does a mother choose between her children? Although it was difficult, I went with the kitchen torch, rightfully assuming that it would be harder to find that at another store, and parted ways with the ramekins. I scoured the rest of the mall to find a suitable substitution for the ramekins, and nothing. Devastation set in as I realized I would have to put the crème brulee on hold as now I was out of time – I would have to be at work shortly, and my hunt for ramekins would lead me to another mall twenty minutes out of my way to the poor mans Williams Sonoma - Crate & Barrel - to see if they had something that would work. Thankfully, they did, and for far less than $22 each. I will attempt again this weekend, I promise.

Preparations

2010-08-04T14:35:00.000-06:00

So in preparation for my to do list, which I've decided to take very seriously, and you know, actually finish, not only have I devoted some major time to mental preparation - psyching myself up to deal with yeast and other sorts of preferements for the croissants and danishes, I have also devoted some serious time at Williams Sonoma. I need a kitchen torch for creme brulee, an indoor grill/panini maker for the pizza (I'm not about to fire up the entire BBQ for one piece of dough - let's get real here people), and anything else I stumble upon and can justify to myself. Like I said, I'm taking the list very seriously. All of this because this weekend, I am going to tackle creme brulee. I have a recipe from a French cook book, so you know it's going to be legit - not some bastardized version of creme brulee - plus the ingredients are listed by weight so you know they mean business. Note to self, I need a digital kitchen scale.

I will post again with details of how it all went down, and hopefully some pictures too. I have a big fancy camera that I should get some use out of, even if I can't figure out how to turn the flash off. Wish me luck!

To Do List

2010-07-30T11:52:00.001-06:00

As you can see by the list below, I don’t have huge aspirations, most of the things I want “to do” are food related. I will explain: I love baking and the idea of cooking, but always stick to the basics. I want to explore the millions of cook books I have and actually do some real baking/cooking. Everything else is sort of a mish mash of things I keep meaning to do, but never get around to.

The hot yoga, I have actually already done, but I stopped going and I should go back. I actually enjoyed sweating my brains out while doing awkward stretches in a room full of people. Even though I live literally one hour away from the Rocky Mountains I have never engaged in any sort of mountain/outdoor activity – hiking, skiing, snowboarding, etc. I’m an asshole. This is what my typical mountain experience looks like:

1) Go to the expensive hotel in town and indulge in an overly priced brunch that has anything and everything you could ever imagine. Usually I just want the bacon.

2) Walk to Starbucks and get a blended drink of some sort.

3) Stop at the fudgery that has been there forever and stock up on chocolate turtles and chocolate bark.

4) Arrive home and fall into a food induced coma.

As you can see, none of those activities involve getting on a mountain, or even walking in a pathway by the river. I stay on the sidewalk and in my car. So, I feel now is the time to make a change. I know that I will never actually get on skis – I am certain I would be cold and uncomfortable the whole time - so I’ve resigned myself to going for a hike in the mountains. It’s basically just walking with better scenery, so I don’t know why I’ve waited so long.

Also, I’ve lowered my to do list to 15 items from the original 30 I had planned, and am also bumping up the timeline of before the age of thirty down to before Christmas. If it seriously takes me two years to clean out my basement, A & E may do a special on me.

1. Croissants
2. Danish
3. Macarons
4. Crème Brulee
5. Donuts
6. Grilled Pizza
7. Fried Chicken
8. Soutzoukakia
9. Kotopitakia
10. Pasta
11. Eclairs
12. Hot Yoga
13. Photography classes
14. Clean out my basement
15. Go hiking

Deadline: December 24, 2010

Here We Go! Again.

2010-07-15T15:08:00.008-06:00

Hi, it’s me again. Sorry for the huge delay in posts. To be honest, I totally gave up, but I’m back now. I’ve given myself a pep talk and I think I’ll stick around this time. For some extra insurance, I, I thought I should write a list of three reasons I should commit to this, and when the inevitable time comes that I am looking for a quick exit, hopefully something on this list will pull me back. Here we go!

1. I need something to do that is free. Somehow I have managed to pick hobbies/creative outlets that have a huge price point. Some examples include the following:

- Photography – I have about $2500 in camera equipment and still don’t fully understand what manual focus is, why everyone is so against the flash feature and what an F stop is. I saw some nice pictures, told my husband I think I’d be good at it, and dove right in. Not to mention the never ending downward spiral this has caused: Photoshop software so I can edit my pictures and of course 30 hours of Photoshop classes so I can learn how to use the Photoshop software. All of this so I could take a picture of my niece and nephew and edit it in Photoshop Elements, the subsequent software I bought because I felt that Photoshop was too professional for me, and I was just a regular person that didn’t need all the bells and whistles.

- Baking – I love to bake, in fact my sisters and I have started a pseudo baking business from our home. That being said, we just started it. Like 6 months ago. For the last five years I have been buying every type of cookie sheet and muffin tray on the market.Do you need a cake pan? I have 6”, 8”, 10”, 12”, or 14” inches.Round, square, oval (I really needed an oval cake pan set?), orheart shaped? What about a good solid cook book? You need to have a good cake recipe or else the heart shaped cake you were going tomake in the 12” heart pan will be all for nothing. Good thing I have over 200 books to select one basic chocolate cake recipe from.

2. I need to be held accountable. If I keep a blog, there will be a written record of what I say and what I plan to do. In that regard, all of those ridiculous hobbies and projects that I’ve started and never finished - maybe I can shame myself into completing them! I have seen a feature in other blogs where they have a to do list. I think that is a great idea. I love making lists. Grocery and otherwise, so I think I will compile a list of things I want to do before I’m 30 –that doesn’t give me much more time – less than 2 years and post them on the site. Then, I will have ‘put it out there’ and be forced to do it. I can’t wait for my productivity to increase tenfold. I can’t imagine how sitting in front of a computer will actually increase my productivity, but I suppose anything is possible. First thing on the list of course, will be to create the list. See how I did that there? Stay tuned!

3. I.CAN.DO.THIS. I am a professional blog reader. I have discovered gems, and found total duds too, but when I read a blog, I always wonder why don’t I do this? So now, I’m doing it. And maybe I’ll totally suck, which quite frankly, I don’t think I will, but also, I’m posting on the WORLD WIDE WEB, not a community bulletin so if I do suck, I don’t think anyone will notice in the small corner of the Internet that I’m in. But I won’t suck.

I Love Television

2010-04-12T16:57:00.002-06:00

I love television. I really do. I think it all began in university when I discovered Mighty Big TV (now Television Without Pity) while on a break in between classes. I thought that website was so funny (now, not so much – it’s lost a lot of its edge that made it so snarky in the first place) and that I could totally be a writer for that site. I wanted nothing more than to be a writer for that site. I emailed a few times, and never got anywhere, and stopped pursuing it (obviously didn’t want it that bad), but still read the site. It was through this site that I discovered shows that I normally wouldn’t give watch, and reveled in the fact that someone loved Dawson’s Creek cheesiness as much as I did. This site also fostered a “why can’t I do that” kind of attitude in me as well. Like, why can’t I write a book or a blog about something as inane as TV – these people aren’t smarter then me. And so I did. My friend and I decided that we would write a book about television characters that we loved, and see how they would fit in the ‘real’ world. A bit of an abstract idea, but we gave it a shot. And by gave it a shot, I mean, I wrote one blurb about one character and filed it under “The Book” – I don’t recall if my friend ever wrote anything, or if we only brainstormed a list of people we should write about. That was on October 19, 2007. Needless to say, we didn’t pursue the idea (I’m noticing this is a common theme), but here it is nonetheless.

Some things to note: I love The Shield. I thought it was the greatest show on television at the time, it still holds up well. When I originally wrote this, I had literally watched at least 3 seasons of it in a matter of six weeks – I was living and breathing Vic Mackey for a while, so it is pretty intense. I also turned my cousin on to the show and lent him the entire series on DVD – I’m still waiting to get it back.

I don't know about you, but when I find a kilo of uncut heroin in my glove compartment, the first guy I call is my neighborhood detective, Vic Mackey. Why do I call him, before say, Andy Sipowicz? Well, Andy would breathe heavily and wonder how the hell he's going to get me out of this mess, all the while thinking of how he is going to financially support his new daughter from his super hot and super younger girlfriend, Connie, especially since he's so close to retiring. Vic Mackey will deal with my problem with a clear head because he isn't worried about finances--he gave his ex wife 25 grand of stolen money to pay for their child to attend a specialized school for autistic children. Added bonus? If I am down trodden and really vulnerable, there is a good chance that he will probably take advantage of the situation and go down on me too – win win for everyone!

The morally ambiguous center of The Shield is just the man you need to take care of your problems if you don't have an issue with crossing the line every now and then and are okay with him pushing the limits, potentially framing someone else along the way, and committing at least 3 other crimes while trying to cover up the first one. Vic Mackey - you can't just call him Vic, it's Vic Mackey--is always willing to help the less bad people then the really bad people, as long as there is something in it for him (see: the Money Train of Season 4), he is the type of guy your mother told you to stay away from, but you knew that when the shit really hit the fan in your low income housing, he was the first guy your mom called--reason being? He gets shit done.

But like any super cop, he doesn't do it all alone. He has his Strike Team to help him do his work. Ronnie Gardocki is the computer savant of the team, and also had the pleasure of taking a hit for his fearless leader, Vic Mackey, when Armadillo, one of the Strike Team's adversaries of Season 3 burned part of Ronnie's face off using a stove. Shane Vandrell, someone you find yourself oddly attracted to, even though he has a severe overbite, is probably 120 pounds on his period, and is mildly racist is Vic Mackey's go to guy and confidante. He is my number 2 cop to call in case shit hits the fan--willing to go even further than Vic Mackey (spoiler alert: he killed the fourth member of the Strike Team, Curtis Lemansky, the true conscience of the show in the Season 5 finale to ensure his part in the Money Train heist was never revealed) to cover his -- and if he really likes you -- your tracks.

But does the world really need guys like these in law enforcement? Probably not, but does my pretend world, where the chance of someone planting drugs on me is indeed very real need it? Absolutely. They work the mean streets of Farmington, where there are barrios and street walkers, not the quiet streets of suburbia where there are Starbuck's and soccer moms. Which is why unfortunately, Vic Mackey is a necessary evil; he knows the difference between bad guys, and even badder guys, and is willing to do something about it.

Seriously, I love television. How can you not with guys like these?

A Pound of Butter

2010-03-29T12:18:00.001-06:00

So over the weekend we had a cake order. It was exciting and terrifying all at once as these things usually are for me. Sheer terror in the fact that I hope we do a good job, and of course, that we don’t accidentally kill anyone and exciting in the fact that this was an order from someone removed from our regular circle of people and it would be a good opportunity to spread the word about our business. So after over committing to what we are actually capable of:

Customer: “I need a cake for my daughter’s seventh birthday party, and we are going swimming, so that that’s kind of a theme – so I guess a pool theme?”

Me: “Of course we can do that. I already have a few ideas that might work!”

Liar! I had no ideas that would work! Why? Why, did I say that? We are not professional cake decorators. Our cakes taste great, of that I am sure, but why didn’t I just say, “Actually we don’t really do huge cake decorations – we focus on celebration cakes and that’s it really”? I’m not totally useless – I did classes at the Michael’s Craft Store (snerk) through the Wilton Cake Decorating courses, plus I’ve taken other courses as well so I have some skills, but nothing at a professional level yet. We had already committed to a pool party cake, and that is what they were going to get.

I had prepared everything at the restaurant and brought it home to actually decorate with my sisters. What I didn’t notice at the restaurant, was that when I was mixing my buttercream, I had actually overmixed it (classic mistake when trying to do ten things at once) and it had separated. So. Freaking. Annoying. Considering the time was now 6pm and I knew we’d take forever to actually decorate the damn thing I was starting to get a bit unhinged and frustrated with myself – especially because if there is one thing you will find in my fridge, it’s butter (and apparently bacon). So I quickly went to my corner store to pick up a pound of butter because I was too lazy to go all the way to the grocery store.

Well, that is the moment this post takes a very different turn from cake and icing and fun, to ‘Whoa, this bitch is crazy.’ I quickly ran in and asked the cashier abruptly if he had any butter, and sensing my fury he pointed me in the right direction. Usually I chat with him, ask him if he’s been busy and buy lottery tickets from him – I’m convinced I’m his only customer – he’s never busy – so the responsibility falls on me to sustain him and what I imagine are his four children and wife at home. That day I threw the money at him and ran. I quickly got back into my car and began to pull out to head home. Well, as I was reversing, to exit out of the north exit, a car was approaching to exit out the south entrance, I was already pulled out, but this asshole couldn’t wait two minutes for me to straighten out and kept driving towards me. He was probably middle aged and had his wife in the car along with another couple. So annoying. He was being such a jerk – like are you really trying to impress your loser wife and lame friends by being a jerk in a parking lot? And did you all just come from dinner from the lame neighborhood pub? Seriously, back the fuck off, I have a cake to decorate!

So, as I finally drove past him, I yell (through my window) “thanks for waiting you fucking asshole” and he has the audacity to give me a look, like I’m the crazy one, and the women in the car both make a face at me. Is this shit for real? It was so on (in my mind). Well, now I’m in a full rage (road and icing based) and peel out of the parking lots north exit and cut him off before he can turn out of the south exit – to be fair, I was actually on the road first – it probably helped that I was going 70km/hr, but whatever – these are small details. I was laughing to myself thinking ‘victory is mine. I sure showed him and his loser middle aged friends who hang out at lame pubs on a Saturday night” until I realized I’d made a fatal error in road rage etiquette. I was now in front of this jerk – there were four of them and one of me. I live a block away from the store. Panic quickly set in as I thought he began to follow me. I sped away but he was still following me (hindsight indicates to me that I was on the main road with about twenty exits, so it’s likely he was on his way back home as well). I wasn’t about to take any chances so I drove 10 minutes out of my way into a random block that was far enough away from my actual residence and even though he had turned off somewhere, pretty much two minutes into our drive back home, I really wanted to be sure the loser was gone.

Having finally returned to my house and hiding my car under the cover of my garage, I went back to the task at hand. My sister arrived shortly after and we decorated the cake, and in the end, it looked surprisingly good. I was in such a bad mood from my bad day that I didn’t even bother to take a picture (I know, I totally should have), but it was done and that was all I cared about.

The next night after my sister delivered the cake (I wanted nothing to do with it anymore) I got an email from the customer:

“RAVE REVIEWS from all on the wonderful birthday cake! Thank you to you and your sisters for making such a delicious dessert for my daughter to share with her guests. The teddy bears were a huge hit too - very cute & tasty. I was able to distribute business cards to many approving parents :-). We will call again soon for our next event.”

I was able to let out a huge sigh of relief – we were a success, and we might even get more gigs out of it! Next time, to prevent myself from potentially being on the six o’clock news though, I’ll be sure to have a stocked fridge before I begin.

Now What?

2010-03-24T19:25:00.005-06:00

I feel so confused…like what’s next? I thought this would be easy. I’ve read blogs forever, and yet now that I am writing one, I have no idea what to do. What should I write? What is there to talk about? The pressure! I don’t want to let down all four of my readers – you’ve come here, I should make it worth your while. So, after much deliberation, here it goes: dinner plans for tonight. I know – you are at the edge of your seat.

Well, when my husband and I want to kick it up a notch, we go to The Keg. We really are living in the fast lane people! And although I hate the service, find the restaurant has kind of a weird smell to it – bleach mixed with seasoning salt perhaps? – notice that the crowd isn’t really cohesive – families, teenagers, first dates – seriously, figure out your market Keg people, and think it's grossly overpriced for what you are actually getting (like my father would say what’s the difference between their steak and ours?), I do love their crazy overstuffed baked potatoes. Generally I’m a slave to all carbohydrates, but this gigantic potato really does me in. In the name of full disclosure, I have not gone so far as to request the cheese sauce on it, so I’m not totally shameless, but I always add the butter that you’re supposed to use on your bun, in my potato. Whatever.

So, although we are not going to The Keg for dinner, I figured I would do my best to replicate it. I was cleaning out my freezer last night and found ‘fast fry steaks’ that if the package is to be trusted are “best before December 15” (I’m sure they’re fine) buried underneath about seven packages of bacon (I don’t have a legitimate explanation for that), and because I’ve been obsessed with having nachos for whatever reason lately, I had green onions and sour cream in the fridge. This all created a perfect storm for our dinner tonight, and that is what we did – minus the weird smells and crappy service.

Also, how the hell do you spell potato(e)? E no E? WTF?

Hello Stranger

2010-03-23T15:54:00.000-06:00

So I've clearly missed my opportunity at a book deal (blogs are so 2000s), that would later be optioned for a movie, where my Hollywood twins Stana Katic and Rob Thomas (that's not a typo - junior high was a very awkward experience for me) fight over who gets to play the coveted role of me, but I figure if I don't start now I never will. So, big payoff be damned, I'm doing this for (shudder) myself. Yah, I said it. Let me just throw this all out in to the universe and see what comes back. Please God, let it be a book deal.

Where to begin? I suppose the name is a good starting point. I am a sister - the youngest of three daughters, and I am incredibly snarky, so I guess that's covered. Come on people, keep up. I am also a snarky wife, snarky coworker, snarky friend, and snarky blogger now too. I know I must sound like a pleasure to be around, but in fact, I am a pleasure to be around. Pop culture expert extraordinaire, sarcastic, mind of a steel trap for useless information, and great reteller of stories (heed the warning - I remember everything), I am the person you want at your parties to entertain you. Unless I don't know you, then I won't talk to you at all and you'll probably think I'm kind of a bitch. It's true. I am terribly shy and will rarely start a conversation and/or engage with other human beings unless I know them. So join me, anonymous friend, as I share my experiences, comment on pop culture, and hopefully snag that book deal as I stumble through life.